This is one of three photos I have with my dad, from when we lived together. Yesterday, I learned he’s no longer with us. So today, I am allowing myself to slow down and grieve this loss and this is what I would share with him:
“After my mom concluded you and I were better apart, I never gave up hope that I would find you. My trip to Fuengirola a few years ago was the closest I came to finding you by meeting your friends and going to the places you used to spend time at.
Today, I want to honor you and forgive anything I would have wanted you to do differently. I want to thank you for bringing Yorùbá African blood to my Spanish/German roots in a time and place where being different was a defiance to society. You came and shook things up! You made me so different to those around me that, despite adoring the white part of my family who have been there for me all my life and to this day, I couldn’t help but dream that I would find you and finally feel that I belong.
This search to connect with my African roots brought me to become one of the first hip-hop dancers in Spain and a Shamanism teacher here in the US. Finding my four siblings, mis hermanos Yvette, Tatiana, David, Tyna, was a miracle and a blessing for which I will forever be grateful and something that will live on for many years to come. Now married to a multiracial Asian/American, I continue the journey of the proverbial melting pot!”
What I learned from this is that, more than the impact of his presence, I feel the impact of his absence throughout my life and still today. It caused a deep appreciation for the things that, through this absence, came into my life.
Thank you, Maria, El Sagrado Corazón Cottolengo, and all who brought love and care to him. Maria Gonzalez Marin, your support in this time has been invaluable. I’m forever grateful.